F*cked Up? What Fear Do You Need to Face Next?

(Note - No time today for my marketing team to create a polished cover image—so I went AI instead. And I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve ever used the F-word on social. But in the spirit of FuckUp Nights, it felt appropriate.)

Most success stories leave out the most important part.

The failure.

Last night I attended a FuckUp Nights event in Vancouver, where three speakers got on stage and shared some of their biggest professional failures. What struck me most was not the failure itself, but the honesty in the room.

In a world where social media mostly shows the highlight reel, it was refreshing to hear the part we usually never see: the doubt, the setback, the embarrassment, and the decision to keep going anyway. It felt more useful than a hundred polished success stories.

No polished TED talks here. Just raw stories of what went wrong, what they learned, and how they bounced back. The room was packed, laughing, nodding, and applauding.

It reminded me of something I keep coming back to: success stories are often incomplete. They show the outcome, not the uncertainty. They show the applause, not the anxiety. They show the arrival, not the internal battle that happened when things were falling apart.

Success stories are overrated. Failure stories are where the real gold is.

And in today’s world, fear of failure is often amplified by social media. We live in a culture that celebrates outcomes and hides process. We see the promotion, the award, the revenue milestone, the perfect launch, the smiling team photo. What we usually do not see are the sleepless nights, the wrong hires, the failed pitches, the missteps, and the seasons where nothing seems to work.

As a Focal Point Business Coach trained in Brian Tracy's systems, this hit home. Tracy has a line I quote often: "Failure is a prerequisite for great success. If you want to succeed faster, double your rate of failure."

I am not trying to glamourize failure. It is that most people quit too early. They treat failure as a stop sign instead of another data point. Growth belongs to the people willing to act before they feel fully ready.

As someone who works with leaders through Focal Point Coaching, I see this all the time. People do not usually fail because they are incapable. They fail because they hesitate. They wait too long. They overthink. They avoid the uncomfortable conversation, the bold decision, the new attempt, or the necessary leap because they are afraid of getting it wrong, afraid of looking foolish, afraid of being judged, afraid of making the wrong move, and afraid of losing momentum.

And yet, when you look closely at many success stories, failure is sitting right at the center of them.

  • Bill Gates and Paul Allen’s first venture, Traf-O-Data, did not work, but the experience gave them technical and business lessons that later helped pave the way to Microsoft.
  • Jack Ma has spoken openly about failing entrance exams, being rejected by Harvard ten times, and being turned down for jobs, including the famous KFC story, as part of the persistence that shaped his path.

That is also why Roger Federer’s Dartmouth commencement speech landed so powerfully for me. Federer told graduates that across 1,526 singles matches, he won almost 80% of them, but only 54% of the points he played, and that reality taught him not to dwell on every lost shot. That is one of the best lessons on failure I have heard.

You do not have to win every point to win the match.

Success is not about avoiding failure. It is about how quickly you recover from it.
  • How quickly do you regain perspective?
  • How quickly do you stop making it personal?
  • How quickly do you take the lesson and move forward?

That is the mindset more leaders need right now.

  • Not fearlessness, but recovery.
  • Not perfection, but resilience.
  • How quickly do you take the lesson and move forwardNot pretending you never failed, but learning how to move through failure without letting it own you.

Success is not about building a life with no setbacks. It is about becoming the kind of person who can absorb disappointment without losing momentum. Face the fear. Take the shot. Learn the lesson. Then move to the next point.

So the next time you see someone’s polished win online, remember this: you are probably seeing the highlight, not the whole story. The struggle was real. The fear was real. The doubt was real. The difference is that at some point, they decided to move again.

So perhaps the question is not, “How do I avoid failure?” Perhaps the better question is, “What fear do I need to face next?”

Because on the other side of that fear is often the next version of your growth, your leadership, and your success. I just tried it with a cover image and blog title that does not go with my own "brand image" :-)

Ready to Turn Setbacks Into Momentum?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many leaders know what they need to do next, but the pressure of running a business often pushes the important work of reflection, strategy, and personal growth to the side. As a Business Coach working with Brian Tracy’s proven frameworks, I help leaders gain clarity on their vision, strengthen their decision-making, and build the resilience required to navigate setbacks and keep moving forward. If you’d like support turning lessons like these into practical action for your leadership and your business, feel free to connect with me. I’d be glad to start the conversation.